I had a dream and then I grew up: Reflections from La La Land
“To all the fools who dream, you will love La La Land, but make sure you bring some tissues because after all, life is not a musicale.”
From the moment I saw full-grown adults hop out of their cars in a LA traffic jam to break into spontaneous song and dance, I knew this was going to be movie that described the lens from which I see the world.
La La Land is about a musician and an aspiring actress who meet and fall in love in Los Angeles. Seb loves jazz and Mia loves acting. Both are struggling to make ends meet but as a team, they give one another the confidence to pursue their individual dreams.
As their relationship progresses, Seb joins a contemporary Jazz band which gives him the security of a regular income and a stable job. His decision sees him parting ways from his dream of opening a traditional Jazz club. As Seb goes on tour with the band, they see one another less and less. One night, Mia returns home to a surprise of a candle-lit dinner prepared by Seb. The romantic night turns ugly as Seb tells Mia that he would be touring with the band ‘for the long haul’, and Mia refuses to tour with Seb because she has to stay in L.A for rehearsals.
It becomes apparent that what hurts Mia the most is seeing Seb give up his dream to play music that he hates. Seb is hurt because Mia is unable to compromise her work for the relationship. As they argue about their life’s ambitions and the impossibility of a life together, they are forced to snap back to reality as the smoke alarm goes off. While Seb tends to a burning oven, Mia walks out.
Throughout the movie, we see Seb and Mia trying to love one another while chasing their individual dreams. Tragically it tears them apart. For Mia, the pursuit of individual dreams was so foundational to their relationship. From the moment she heard him play piano, she was drawn to Seb’s passion for authentic Jazz, and his relentless zeal empowered her to write her own play. She’s strong-willed and follows her heart. As loveable as she is, we almost forget that she’s flawed, and had no hesitation walking away from her boyfriend as soon as Seb was in the picture.
Although reserved at first, Seb warms up to Mia’s enthusiasm and undeniable charm. Her down-to-earth personality loosens him up so that they end up singing and tap dancing their way through the night. After overhearing a phone call where Mia’s parents questioned Seb’s financial stability, he made the difficult decision to join a band he hated so that he could have a stable job. While Mia believes that love is enabling the other to pursue their dreams at any cost, Seb believes that love may come at personal sacrifice:
“This is the dream! It’s conflict and it’s compromise, and it’s very, very exciting!”
The movie tugged on my heart strings because I am, and have always been a dreamer. When I was 10 years old, I won my school’s singing award and was chosen to audition for a solo at the Opera House. My parents didn’t have the time to take me to the audition so my choir teacher offered me a ride.
I remember that car ride because it was the first time somebody believed in me and recognised my creative talents. (Also because my teacher’s car didn’t have air conditioning, and I had to use tissues to clear the fogged up windscreen!) I really wanted the role not so much for myself, but to make my teacher proud.
Unfortunately when I stood in front of the judges, I was strangled by nerves and my throat closed up. There’s nothing more painful than letting down people who believe in you, whether it be a teacher, parent, friend or spouse. Rejection stings. I felt Mia’s pain at each failed audition immensely.
In high school I fell in love with dramatic arts. For my high school certificate, I wrote and performed a monologue called ‘True Beauty’. It was based off the character of the ugly stepsister because deep down, I’ve always felt like a villain without a voice. As someone who had to constantly fight against a stereotype that I could not be (the high-achieving Chinese girl), I wanted to give women who failed to meet cultural norms, a chance to share their story. I got very high marks for this project, but it was also the project that marked the end of my dream. Upon applying for university, my parents told me that Western media would never hire a Chinese girl like me.
“I had a dream and then I grew up.”
I spent the next 8 years in events and marketing, and while I love my work, I’ve never quite let go of my passion for drama. I still watch theatre with starry eyes, because the stage reminds me of a time when I was pursuing something that I loved. With the encouragement of my husband, I applied for an Australian acting agency and to my surprise, they agreed to offer me representation. My agent and my husband genuinely believe in my potential, and yet instead of jumping at all my audition opportunities, I have found myself hesitating.
Now that I have the opportunity to chase my dreams, what do I possibly have to lose? The truth is, everything. While I have dreams to be an actor, I have to count the cost. What areas of my life will be compromised if I chased my individual passions?
What I have learned is that when you love another person, joyful compromise follows. Because I love my husband, I am willing to build new dreams. Because my husband is the object of my affection, I have reoriented my goals so that we can have mutual passions. Because my husband is worthy of my respect, I am willing to move cities so that he can live out the life that God has called him to live. I can happily turn down acting work if it means that my marriage stays strong and I have the time and energy to support him at church. Some may call it a waste of an opportunity — I call it love.
As Seb and Mia part ways so that Mia can pursue her dream in Paris, they declare their love for each other:
Seb: “I’ll always love you.”
Mia: “I’ll always love you too.”
It’s the happy ending that the audience longs for, but it’s portrayed as brash and naive. This is why the ending is so moving — it’s ‘love’ in real life. How many of us have made rash promises to another that we simply couldn’t keep? Mia is now a wife to another man, and together they have a child. On their date night, Mia and her husband stumble upon a jazz club named ‘Seb’s’ and for the first time in 5 years, she is reunited with her ex-lover.
As she walks in and sits down with her husband, she locks eyes with Seb and he carefully plays the tune that had originally drew her into his arms. As the song plays, a musicale montage of Seb and Mia’s perfect life where they pursue their dreams and live happily ever after floods the screen. The ending that is only possible in the movies.
As the musicale montage fades, we’re left with Mia stepping out of the club and giving one final, but longing look at Seb. The director leaves us with the haunting question: is your dream worth the sacrifice?
Here’s to the ones who dream
foolish as they may seem,
Here’s to the hearts that ache,
Here’s to the mess we make.
As someone who is hardwired with youthful optimism in a broken world, I found this movie both magical and heartbreaking. To all the fools who dream, you will love La La Land, but make sure you bring some tissues because after all, life is not a musicale.
