When you can’t let go of yesterday

Ever since ‘A Star Is Born’ was released in cinemas last year, I have been obsessed with the soundtrack. Each song poignantly retells the story of Jackson, a famous country singer who falls in love with Ally, a young and aspiring singer-songwriter.

Their spontaneous romance gives Ally the platform to rise to fame as a pop star in the modern world. As Ally’s career takes off, Jackson’s fame quickly diminishes as he begins to lose his hearing and battle with alcohol and drug addiction. It’s a tragic story where Jackson changes from relevant to old news, from a hero to a liability.

‘A Star Is Born’ highlights the inescapable despair of living in a transient world where the passing of time leaves the human heart grasping for former glories; a healthy body, a successful career, the honeymoon period of a romance, or a time and place when you simply felt happy. The song ‘Always Remember Us This Way’ captures this longing perfectly:

So when I’m all choked up
But I can’t find the words
Every time we say goodbye
Baby, it hurts
When the sun goes down
And the band won’t play
I’ll always remember us this way

What former glory will you remember – always?

‘The Greatest Showman’ is another movie that highlights the changing nature of success and relationships. The story describes the rise and fall of P. T. Barnum in his pursuit of becoming a great showman. Against all odds, Barnum is able to achieve his ambitions, but along the way, he becomes blinded by the spotlight and betrays his family and friends. He justifies his actions under the guise of providing a better life for his wife, when in a simpler time, before he was rich and famous, she had wished for “…happiness like this forever.“

What do you wish to have – forever?

When the credits of ‘Avengers: End Game’ rolled in last month, my heart cried out “end of an era!” When I watched the live action ‘Aladdin’ film last week I was giddy with child-like excitement, as I anticipated the same magical feeling that I had back in 1992 when the original cartoon was released. The live action was great but without Robin Williams, it just wasn’t the same.

What endings do you mourn?

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We live in a transient world where change is inevitable. No matter how smart, intelligent or rich you are, no human is immune to the constraints of time. Nations rise and fall. Technology becomes dated. Leaders break their promises. Human love fails. There is no certainty in people or possessions, leaving many of us wistfully longing for our always and forevers. We mourn the past and long for things – especially good things – to just remain the same.

What is it for you?

I know for myself, I find myself flipping through faded photo albums or scrolling through social media to relive meals with loved ones, to laugh again with old friends and to behold views of places once travelled. I reread old letters to hear the voices of people long gone and to hold onto moments when my happiness was untouched by the shifting sands of time. I journal and hoard sentimental objects, hoping that my memoirs will satisfy my impossible longing for eternity on earth.

I turned thirty last year and although I still look like a teenager, I felt like society was preparing me for my death bed. People would console me with sentiments like “the thirties are the new twenties”. Apparently my taste in music sounds really “old school”. I am horrified that today’s 18 year olds weren’t even born when Rush Hour was released. Like every generation before me, I have found myself looking for people who would validate me in all my prejudices for the 90’s and 00’s – the best decade, ever. Behind each of these nostalgic sentiments is a longing for timelessness.

Over the past week, I have been challenged to see my nostalgia as a wake up call to my finite and time-bound existence. I am human. My days are numbered. Life is like a breath and my very existence is not within my control. Like wild grass and flowers, we can bloom one day and wither the next. You can be a hot shot right now but there will come a day when you will be nothing but a name on a plaque of an abandoned grave. It’s tragic but true.

However, it becomes less of a tragedy when we can grasp that our finite, withering and momentary life is actually held together by an eternal God whose very existence transcends time:

“I am the Alpha and the Omega,” says the Lord God, “who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty.” – Revelations 1:8

The world will change, but God will not. I am bound by time, but God is not. Perhaps in my search for timelessness, I am meant to find myself at the mercy of my Creator, the One who placed the longing for eternity in the human heart:

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” – Ecclesiastes 3:11

As I’ve refocused my gaze on the One who is unchanging, I have been able to let go of my yesterdays which have been built on sand, to behold the Rock of Ages who has been the firm foundation since the beginning. Unlike humans, God’s glory will not diminish with age, his strength won’t be challenged by sickness, his love for me will not change based on my performance, his values won’t be swayed by culture, and his words will endure forever. God has spoken the final word, and because he never changes, his word is utterly trustworthy.

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.” – Hebrews 10:23

In an uncertain world, certainty exists in Jesus. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. A relationship with him is risk-free because there is no threat of broken promises and no possibility of abandonment. He can promise unfailing love because he is love. Unlike human relationships that degrade with time and distance, knowing God gets better with time and will last into eternity.

In a transient world, my heart will always long for ‘always’ and ‘forevers’. My anxiety is on the look out for a firm foundation that will withstand the test of time. The good news is, the One who placed eternity in my heart came to fulfil such a longing. Jesus hasn’t promised me a perfect life free from trials and suffering but in the midst of heartache and uncertainty, I can anchor in him who has secured for me an eternity without tears, a future without goodbyes and a day when wistful longing will be no more:

‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. – Revelations 21:4

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Where are you looking for your ‘always’ and ‘forevers’?

Feature image supplied by Annie Spratt