Mother’s Day: Joy & Hope In Grief

I brought my face close to Mum’s and kissed her soft cheek.

“Goodnight Mumma, I love you”.

I said this just as I had done many times, over the last 24 years. Although, this time I expected to hear only silence. My Mum was fighting her last days with Cancer. She hadn’t been conscious or able to talk for a few days, but to my complete surprise, Mum’s eyes suddenly opened. She looked up at me, straight in the eye and replied:

“Goodnight darling, I love you too”.

She spoke these familiar words in the same loving tone as she had always done. I was speechless. I stared longingly at her, wondering where this strength had come from, and wishing she could stay with me longer. She held my gaze for a few seconds, reading my face without me needing to say a word, and then her eyes shut again. She passed away two days later. I never heard her voice again. This memory epitomised Mum. She was strong, gentle, determined and always had strength to love.

Mother’s Day is a day I’ve tended to avoid. I avoid the TV and radio. I avoid social media and the onslaught of Mother’s Day posts. Mother’s Day is a painful reminder that my Mum isn’t here. I can’t spend the day with her, I can’t give her flowers, a hug, or take her out for coffee. I can’t share my life with her.

Today was one of those days I was prepared to not think too much about, until a friend messaged me. She’d never met my Mum but texted to say that she was thinking of me, and that my Mum must have been an amazing woman. It made me pause and reflect. Yes, she was an amazing woman.

This is something I celebrate today. I’m thankful for Mum’s love, her graciousness towards others, her optimism, her genuine and sacrificial care, her wise counsel, her love of people and cultures, and the craziness and fun that she brought into life. I love that she seemed to understand life, was quick to forgive, and that she could understand a person so deeply that she would know exactly where they were at.

I loved listening to her talk about God and how He was working in her life, even during those hard days over her last 2 years. God gave her joy, hope and an unshakable trust in Him. I’m thankful that Mum’s character and faith was shaped so much by the grace and forgiveness that she had been shown through Jesus, such that this radiated from her life.

This Mother’s Day even though I can’t celebrate with Mum in person I celebrate the amazing gift that she was. It is a hard day. But I celebrate that this isn’t the end. I’m thankful that Mum is now home with her Creator and Saviour. I can’t wait to stand with her once again, and with the even more beautiful and glorious One that she reflected.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. Ecclesiastes 3:11

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My friend Cecelia shared this story with me on Mother’s Day, 2018. It was the first time I had heard the intimate story of her mother’s passing, and it moved me deeply. I am honoured to be given the opportunity to share her words with the world. Love and miss you C. I am so proud of you. x